When It Hurts to Create Your Own Path

Last night I dreamt I was in my car going very fast.

I was on the highway and I didn’t hit the car directly,

but somehow my car caused another car to hit this woman’s car

and they were on the side of the road.

My car was unscathed.

I just remember going really fast.

It was my speed that had somehow injured them.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and ran to the other car.

There was a mother and a son.

The mother was close to dying.

A neck injury.

Blood oozing from her nose.

I put my hands on her to heal - I knew she could be healed and when I tried,

both her son and my twin sister stopped me from doing so.

Then I woke up.

There is something no one talks about as a family member who chooses a new path.

The pull and the guilt of rising, the sense of newness and the fear that wealth and success

will make me unapproachable or disconnected from family.

I have grown very much these last two years.

So much so, that at one point my sister asked, “who are you?”

It pained me.

Sometimes when we change our identities - when we outgrow our family role

and no longer are the person they believed we were in their minds -

sometimes it can make them question who they are.

I know firsthand the terror that can come with being more “successful” than your mother or father.

I know the anxiety that can come when you step into your light and dare outshine every single person who raised you.

Especially when your safety zone was dimming your light to make others feel comfortable

or keeping your mouth shut so no one else gets angry.

Please hear me -

placating your success will not save anyone.

Stifling your shine will not help anyone else shine brighter. 

Go full speed ahead and carry no shame.

Because one day you will be able to do things your family never fathomed

and instead of intimidating others, it will inspire them. 

Most importantly, know that when you leave or go away, you aren’t leaving anyone behind,

you are carving a path for others to follow when they are ready.

Sage on,

Caitlin 

Are you distancing yourself from loved ones to make space for your own growth? How is it affecting you?

Share your experience in the comments to be supported.